After I discovered Augusten Burroughs’s book This is How and a few hundred pages into Doctor Sleep (is this a dangling modifier?), I’m also reading John Fowles’s The Collector. It’s about Fred, who is so obsessed with Miranda that he kidnaps her and locks her in his house. It’s fascinating, but I don’t think it’s scary. I was surprised by how smart, strong, and resourceful the character of Miranda is; I didn’t know they made ’em like that in the mid-’60s. I had a little trouble adjusting to the British slang at first; it took me a few minutes to realize that “pools money” is the lottery, not money Fred made as a pool cleaner.
Me: Wow, so and so just got eight likes for a picture of her breakfast. I think I got three likes the last time I shared an article I wrote.
Rational part of my brain: So and so is an extrovert. She probably has a hundred more friends than you.
Dickish part of my brain: No one gives a shit about your shitty articles. Also, everyone hates you.
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Me: So and so liked every comment on her post except mine.
Rational part of my brain: She probably just didn’t see it. She has a lot of comments.
Dickish part of my brain: No, she definitely saw it; she put up like three more posts since then. Your stupid comment was stupid. Everyone thinks you’re stupid. Also, everyone hates you.
— — —
Me: People really like so and so’s posts about her food-based business. If I started making fancy cakes, maybe people would notice me.
Dickish part of my brain: You’re fat. Too fat to talk about food. Also, no one will ever like you.
Rational part of my brain: If you need attention that badly, put up a cute picture of your baby.
Dickish part of my brain: People like babies. They don’t like you. Also, you’re fat.
I’m watching Danny Boyle’s movie Sunshine (he’s another one of my neglected favorite directors), and it was bugging me that the fellow who plays the captain looks super familiar. I looked him up, and he was Ryuji in Ringu and Rasen!